Have you ever been doing something really important, only to find yourself being sucked into something really unimportant? Yes, me too. I love being an english major, almost more than I love Nachos (which says a lot, if you know my deep relationship with nachos). One of the best parts of being an english major is having the ability to enter into a classroom and know that if you bring up Hawthorne's recurring theme of redemtion in "The Scarlet Letter", no one looks at you as if you have something grotesque in your teeth. Or that you can meet them at any given time and discuss the marxist theory of analysis and not have to explain who or what that is. Ahhh--english. My one true love (I'm sorry, Nachos and Cristiano Ronaldo). Well, into every relationship there must fall some rain. And for english, that rain comes in the form of writingRésumés.
The résumé is a unique form of writing, created by dry, caustic business men who obviously have red personalities. In writing a sample résumé, one must first find a job listing to write in accordance with. As I looked through craigslist.com to find the "perfect" job for me, I stumbled upon something that has changed life as I know it. I speak of the Singles Ads.
"Lookin to have some fun!!! --33"
Hey, i'm a nice guy, lookin for a nice girl, and if you are a nice girl we should hang out!!! i love to be outdoors, and i'm a gamer but don't let that get you down! i'm not one of those nerdy gamers. i'm in shape--about 5'11, 185 lbs, and i like to be active. i'm looking for someone whos pretty, active, in shape, has a sense of humor, and likes to be outdoors too! i have a picture, so send me an email w/pics and i'll write back!!
Ah. The desperation and poor grammar of it all, the mystery! Is Mr. "i" really 5'11"? Does he have WOW permanently displayed on his home computer? You can almost smell the denial reeking forth from the misspellings and overuse of exclamation points.
But amidst my ravagings of grammar and caustic mockery of each hopeless post, I felt a little twinge in my heart. Why shouldn't Mr. "i" and Ms. "Fisically Fit" be happily coupled? Why do they not deserve a little lovin? I was overwhelmed at the thought. Someone should review the "men looking for women" and "women looking for men" listings and do a little matchmaking.
In the end, did I find a job listing? No, and that really sucks. But I found some humanity, and that's what counts. Good job, all you desperate singles--good job.
